NOTE: This is a 1996 article from Media Forum on the ATMA website, which I am now considering  updating for META. It seems quite relevant to the internal dialog we are engaged in right now.  Comments welcome!

The True Test of Integrity

First, what do we really mean when using the word "integrity"? At its core, integrity is not simply a matter of acting honorably. Note that the root word for integrity is the same as that for "integration", so living with integrity means choosing to live in unity, rather than in separation. We must always be aware of the ego's tendency toward personal comparisons and competition, which not only set us apart from others, but create internal conflict and separation as well.

Personal and professional relationships can be the best teachers we have, especially when they "push our buttons", challenging us to face self-imposed limitations. Every person I encounter just might hold a piece of the puzzle I am putting together for myself, and I may hold a piece of theirs. And so, to make this exchange flow more easily we must be willing to let go of those self-reinforcing stories about who "I" am, what "I" think or what "I" am doing. The quieter we are inside, the more we can hear, and the more we can receive from others.

Although it may appear easier to retreat into a cave to "become enlightened", the true test of integrity comes when we reemerge and fully expose ourselves to the world. However, there is an advantage to retreating from the world on occasion - in a quiet place, it is easier to learn to cultivate the powerful tools we need for maintaining peace and balance. The foremost of these spiritual tools is the Internal Witness, that tenacious, unshakable, non-judging part of the self that maintains vigilant awareness of our own internal mental and emotional processes as we respond to the daily pressures of life.

Negotiating from True Power

Clearly, one of the most difficult arts of business, especially in the media, is negotiation. This is an environment where survival issues are bound to arise, and integrity is often heavily challenged. However, it is also the best place to learn how to operate from true power. True power starts with knowing that we don't need to take advantage of anyone in order to get ahead, and we don't need to let ourselves be taken advantage of in order to survive.

In order to truly say "yes" to anything, we must first have the honest ability to say "no". However, being willing to walk away from a deal that doesn't feel right requires the ability to face any survival issues that we may have. This can be extremely difficult if we have become attached to a particular position, especially if we have a family to support, and certainly if we have been living beyond our means.

It's useful to remember the old saying in the entertainment business: "Don't quit your day job."  Disparaging connotations aside, this highlights the keys to professional integrity: always base survival income on proven abilities, stay humble, and be willing to pay your dues.

Humble Confidence

This is the kind of humility that builds real respect from true professionals - always offering something of tangible value, knowing your limitations, and operating from a foundation of quiet certainty that the job will get done. With this kind of humble confidence, one is willing to play a supportive role in the formation of a new team, and to approach new skills as an apprentice or intern until a new level of mastery is reached. And strangely enough, this exact same humility can make for the kind of leader that gains long-lasting personal respect and loyalty. There is a sense of fearlessness that comes from living life in this way.

However, there is also a suppressive mindset of scarcity and conflict that has become ingrained in our culture, and it can easily undermine this fearlessness. Most of our survival fears are indirect, hidden deep in the subconscious mind, and they can trigger all sorts of destructive personal judgements and competitiveness. These fears can be especially difficult to recognize when our self-identity has become attached to a position or title of some kind. The ego's fear of losing its identity narrows ones vision, and stifles joy in life even more than the actual fear of physical death itself.

This is where regular "visits with the self" are most helpful, taking quiet time to check in with the internal witness, and see where we may be getting attached to false identities. Personally, I find my re-centering time to be especially powerful out in the wilderness, where survival issues become much more basic. When we leave the complexities of modern life behind for a while, it is easier to see the truth in the ancient Taoist saying, "One who has nothing to protect cannot easily be attacked".

Repressed Emotions

An ego that feels threatened often triggers a kind of subtle emotional polarity that can undermine an otherwise promising project or negotiation. Even with a trusted partner, someone we've worked with for years, there is a potential for a hidden agenda to crop up as situations change. Even when good people truly believe they have the best of intentions, sometimes they hide their agendas even from themselves! Subconscious survival fears can surface in the most unexpected ways, often appearing as emotional neediness, combativeness, manipulation, or withdrawal.

A great deal of compassion, patience, and a non-judgmental approach is necessary whenever we find someone (especially ourselves) having this kind of emotional reaction. When one is acting that way, there's always some kind of insecurity, some part of the self that feels threatened. Allowing room for fears and angers to be acknowledged and expressed is the only way to clear them out. If feelings are denied because they are judged as negative or irrational, they become repressed, and can gradually start to trigger passive-aggressive behavior. Many a team has disintegrated because seemingly rational processes were in charge, and deeper irrational feelings were not allowed space to be aired.

It is possible to turn this kind of situation around, however. When these issues arise, they can be looked at as simply another opportunity to work on one's own emotional skills. If someone else is acting fearfully, we can cultivate patience and compassion. If it is ourselves, we can cultivate honesty and humility. While it can be hard to acknowledge to others that we are grappling with ourselves in this way, when we are willing to take the chance, a little bit of self-deprecating humor can really help to defuse the tension. After all, we are only human. And this kind of personal honesty can be a powerful way to rebuild damaged relationships.

Ruthless Compassion and Creative Integrity

Now, the media business (and Hollywood in particular) is especially notorious for false enthusiasm - fantasies without much clarity, focused intention, or real sustainability. It is also filled with people who broadcast fear and negativity, constantly comparing themselves with others, perceiving themselves as either superior or inferior. This is where we need to cultivate "ruthless compassion," the ability to gently but firmly cut through all such illusion. And the first place to apply it is in facing our own fruitless fantasies and fearful comparisons! Only then can we cut through the illusions of others with honesty and love, rather than judgment and anger.

To truly live with creative integrity, we must recognize how we create our own lives - the ways in which we actually use imagination and intention to pull things into reality. A sort of personal science fiction, you might say. I call this "remembering the future" or, perhaps more accurately, a potential future. Seen from outside of time, a particular future becomes manifest to us because we imagine it in detail, and act on the feelings that come from that imagination, and let ourselves be drawn toward the potential reality in which that dream becomes real.

There is a catch, of course. This process works equally as well on self-destructive images as it does on creative ones! This is why it is so critical that we do our internal work, and learn how to acknowledge, experience, and clear away hidden fears. As fearful thought patterns are faced with courage and cleared with love, we can focus our energies more and more on the experiences that we really want to manifest in our lives. There is literally no limit to what we can create, once we reach this kind of clarity.

Self-Transformation - From Fear to Love

The real work comes when facing the shift of identity that is needed in order to fully accept this kind of creative power. Fear of success is a bit of a cliche, but truly, all too often the ego has become subtly identified with the struggle; being the underdog, the starving artist, the wage slave, the underfunded entrepreneur, even the stressed-out CEO or financier. Such victim roles are comfortable for the ego to play, because they provide far more excuses for falling out of integrity. Becoming truly powerful requires that we see the ways in which we have trapped ourselves in these stories, and invest the time and energy we need to undo the damage they cause.

True integrity exists only when this process of self-transformation is embraced - we must be willing to face the fearful, repressed, irrational aspects of our unconscious selves, and use love and compassion to invite them back into an integrated, self-loving personality. Only this kind of integrated person is capable of using power responsibly, without the need to control or manipulate others. Ultimately, we must each take complete responsibility for our power to choose which path to follow, the path of fear and control, or the path of love and liberation.

This is the "Transformative" aspect of the Association of Transformative Media Arts. It's easy to say that the modern media carries the power to transform the world - we are truly the nervous system of an evolving global consciousness. But more to the point, we must have the courage to embrace our own transformation if we are to play a constructive role in the larger transformations that the world is now experiencing.

Adapted from a talk given by ATMA Co-founder Peter Tjeerdsma at the October 1996 kickoff meeting. Since 1986, Peter Tjeerdsma has been a design and information architect and entrepreneur in the fields of desktop video and digital media. In 1993 he received an Emmy Award for his role in developing the Video Toaster, the first low-cost real-time desktop video production, animation and effects system. He is currently leading conceptual design for Rocketlife, a leader in next-generation digital media technologies. He has been a Buddhist and Taoist practioner and student of applied spiritual philosophy since 1979.